OBummer

Reuters have confirmed that Gay Marriage is now the biggest world news story, and indeed the biggest issue facing mankind.

This has relegated topics such as European economic and social meltdown, mass state sponsored homicides in Syria, constant car bombs and other IEDs killing our misplaced troops in Iraq and Afganistan, famine in Africa etc etc into the minor placings. Quite right too. The legitimacy or otherwise of Brian and Nigel's forthcoming nuptials is where it's at right now. Bugger everything else.

Even facebook sensation Joseph Kone is being described as "rather last century" by the newserati.

Well, there you have it. Pretty much every world leader of any standing has ditched their more critical agenda items to focus on this, the real topic of the day. Obama has more or less guaranteed himself a second term by openly surporting it; David Cameron tells us he has been a fan of the idea since his schooldays. If only Sarkozy had realised this was what the voters of France wanted to hear - he'd be settling back into power right now.

Only Mitt Romney seems to stand alone - apparently he has a long record of queer bashing - but he has excused himself by claiming he thought they were only weak, helpless boys who needed to man up, rather than homosexuals. Good answer Mitt, no-one minds a smaller-boy-basher. Anyway, he too, it seems, is not prejudiced.

And thank god for that - the last thing we need is the hitherto unblemished record of White House occupants besmirched by some form of gross moral turpitude.

And there is of course the case of good old Robert Mugabe, who is on record as saying all gays should be shot, but what would he know - he's as nutty as a fruitcake. Stick to being a nasty dictator, Bob, and leave the important global stuff to the real leaders.

Angela Merkel has been curiously quiet on the subject, but as a recent survey found that 91% of Germans believe she is a man in drag, she probably has her own agenda on the subject. Or perhaps she thinks all marriages should be abandonded as some sort of austerity measure.

So where will this story go? If it follows the same path as the canabis "legitimise by inches" approach, we can expect to see tax breaks for gay marriages, a much higher profile for the Gay Olympics, and ultimately the legalisation of what that quaintly old fashioned and out of touch work of fiction The Bible amusingly refers to as Original Sin.

It's no use the doubters quoting the fall of the Roman Empire as a dangerous historical precent for the open legitimisation of homosexuality, that was 2000 years ago, they didn't even have the internet then, and as Henry Ford said, "History is bunk".

An intriguing aspect of this is that, at least openly anyway, none of these world leaders are themselves gay, although it is worth recalling that Cameron spent 5 years at Eton. And as far as this column can ascertain, none of them campaigned on a support gay marriage ticket.

The cynics, of course, would point to vote winning, to distraction from the real issues, to pandering to a vocal minority. How cynical of them.

So, we can all sleep safe tonight. No need to worry about rising prices, the collapse of the euro, whether we can pay our mortgages or not, or what the future will bring.

Our leaders have their fingers on the pulse, and we can trust in them to get it right. Goodoh.