Don't whistle while you work

David Cameron's latest initiative to outlaw the hideous practices of wolf whistling, and the calling of women darling, is bold, innovative and strategically smart.

It will, of course, entirely disenfranchise an entire generation of builders and labourers for whom the wolf whistle is a tried and tested chat up line, but these are generally likely to be Labour voters anyway.

What it does do is bring into the fold a previously unacknowledged, by political parties anyway, group of voters, to whit hideously ugly women and lesbians. Because these, of course, are the women who object to vocal familiarity as being sexually discriminative. And this is true. It discriminates against them because it never happens to them. So their votes are a dot on the card. Factor them into the polls now DC.

The hordes of young women who on a Friday night don little more than a low hanging belt and half cut bra and parade through the streets of northern England, flitting from Bacardi Breezer to Bacardi Breezer, are enthusiastic about being wolf whistled at. Why else would they have their wares so obvuiously on display? But this rapidly growing segment of society probably do not vote anyway, mainly on the grounds that the Top Shop party does not loom large on British electoral forms, assuming of course that they could read these forms in the first place. So no loss there either.

And finally, it may just enfranchise all men, at least those with brains and the ability to extrapolate rationally. Legislative fringes are a movable feast. After wolf whistling and darlinging, doubtless wimmin's next move will be to outlaw flirting, chatting up and even looking. In the long run, this will save men from years of emotional, intellectual and financial pain.

Getting together with women will simply become too hard, so they'll just give up, and will of course realise that is something they should have done years ago. Dave, they will acknowledge, has done them a massive favour. Votes aplenty.

Many men will doubtless become actual, rather than just virtual, monks thus ensuring support for Cameron from the church, yet another huge swathe of votes to keep the conservatives in power.

Of course the human race, deprived of procreative activities, will swiftly die out, and so general elections will become somewhat redundant. But what a legacy for Cameron! That will put Blair in his place.Dave will go down as the man who finally eliminated all Britain's financial and social woes, albeit by the somewhat extreme means of eliminating all future generations.